My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
