apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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