To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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