i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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