Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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