Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
