ugly people sure do ruin things
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize