I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize