I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
