I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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