i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
