What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
