He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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