My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
