And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
