i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
