i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
