Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
