I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
