i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
