Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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