elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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