There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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