He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
