I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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