he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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