all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
