Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
