cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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