chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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