I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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