Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
