you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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