It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
