If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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