i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
