Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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