I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
