Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
