So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
