I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
