I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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