Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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