the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
