Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Church boner. Awkwardddd
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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