Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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