best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
