so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize