i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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