oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
