I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
