He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
