we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
false alarm. still invincible.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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