I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize