so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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