i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
