How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
