Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I touched a dick in church today
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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