i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
