HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
