The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
