I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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