nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just cut my nipple shaving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize