Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
