My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
