I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
