I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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