Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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