and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
