But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
