Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
