Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
