Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
